No daughter should grow up with out a mom. I was just 6 years old when my mother passed away from Breast cancer. The only thing I remember about my mother was seeing her lying in bed, diagnosed with Breast cancer. I was too young to know what was going on but as I grew older I became angry towards God and my mother. I was mad at my mother for not taking pictures or videos of us together so I would have something to look back at to remember her or a letter. It made me feel like she did not love me or care about me. I grew up believing that my mother was aware that she was dying and didn't even think to do something special for her youngest daughter. Any young daughter growing up without experiencing the feeling of having a mother in their life would be angry, hurt, and lost.
I was also angry with God. Every time I would see my friends spending time with their mother’s it would make me angrier with God and bitter with people. I remember my dad having a big picture of my mom on a table in the living room. And each time I would walk pass this photo I would feel an ache in my heart and I already knew that the tears were coming. I would go to my room to cry uncontrollably where no one could see me. I would ask God, 'Why me? Why did you have to take her from me?' I felt like God did not love me because I assumed that if he did love me, He wouldn’t have let this happen. He took my mother away from me at such a young age and it left me broken for so long. I felt like if God really needed my mom he should've at least left behind something significant to help me remember her. Years went on and I just quit speaking to God because I never got what I wanted. Jennifer, my older sister was a mother figure to me growing up. I remember when I found out that she had a lump in her upper chest. I just wanted to scream. But I can now proclaim that by the grace of God the doctors were able to remove the lump in her breast before it became cancerous. I acknowledge that God's hands were in my sisters situation, but I did not have any appreciation, adoration, or affection towards God to thank Him.
I continued in life disconnected from God. I was near to church but far from Him. At the age of 18, I enlisted into the United States Army where I met an amazing man. I was unaware that this man who I began to love so much was ironically a Man of God. He would ask to read a chapter from the bible with me every day. I was gradually learning about God and His love. God used this man to draw me closer to Jesus. This man had no idea that I was angry at God. One night after preaching to me over the phone about accepting Jesus Christ into my heart, I began to cry. I was feeling convicted for being angry at God. I was so angry at God that I was too blind to realize all of the good things that God has done for me. This amazing man of God is now my husband and father of my 3 children. God is so good! I went through pain to meet the healer and now I want to tell the entire world about this healer named Jesus. I learned that just because I chose to leave God did not mean that He would ever leave me. Even when I gave up on God He never gave up on me. God is so loving, merciful, and faithful. I can now thank God from a sincere heart because He has healed me completely with His unfailing love for me. Jesus Christ saved my life.
Breast cancer have run in my family for many years, but I declare that my loved ones and I are protected by the blood of the lamb for eternity in Jesus name! Even though I cannot see my mother, I believe that she is watching over me smiling. From the things I hear about her from my relatives, she was a strong, loving, and caring woman. She was a fighter in heart and she believe in God. No matter how sick she may have felt she always did as much as she could for everyone. I miss her more and more every day. I just hope that one day I might be as great of a mother like her; A woman who choose to be greater than what she feels. I may never know why God took her, but I do know that God loved her just like he loves me and every other breast cancer survivor. Thanks to the love of God that was compelled to sacrifice his only son, Jesus Christ, who died on the cross to save us all, greater is he who is in me than he who is in this world. "If God be for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31)."